If He's not Dating You...

It was the weekend after my birthday, and I went out with a group of my friends to celebrate.

Nicki, of course, had a plan for the night. It was the night before a home Rams game and she knew from her connections that the players, coaches, and staff always stay the night…and drink at the Hilton. This led us to 360 Bar on the roof of the hotel.

We started out outside (brrr) and then made the rounds of the bar to see who all was there. Sure enough, Nicki knew a guy on the Rams’ staff who was there drinking and our whole group was led into the VIP section where we drank for free the rest of the night. (Thank you, Nicki and the Rams! Happy Birthday to me!)

However – free drinks, VIP, and the Rams aren’t the main attraction of this story, a former NFL player turned staff/front office member La’roi Glover 

and love and dating are.

Now, you may look at this impressively sized man and think all we had in common was a love of football.

You’d be wrong.

I routinely get into conversations about what I find the most intriguing topic – how that person met their significant other – and the various topics that fall under its umbrella.

I spent the better part of two hours listening to how he met, wooed, and proposed to his wife, to his beliefs on how women (specifically a woman a man truly cares about) should be treated, and to what all of that looks like before he turned the tables on me.

“You just grilled me for the past two hours about my story. It’s your turn. So what is it, because I know you’ve got one!”

And, boy, did he have me pegged. He had me pegged well. I had a story. A particularly sad and pathetic one, but a story nonetheless, and it when a little something like this.

Boy and long-standing crush calls girl to come to visit since he just moved back to the Midwest. A tentative visit was discussed, “I’ll let you know when I’m coming into town.”

Girl goes to city, meets up with boy; they hit it off, and crush resurfaces with a vengeance. Girl keeps going back to the city to see friends…and crush.

Boy sporadically texts and calls girl. They see each other when she’s in town. But – dun dun dun – they’re not dating because boy has his reasons (and is still not quite over his last heartbreak/relationship she gathers). Blah, blah, blah.

You get the gist, just as I know you get that the overwhelming sensation of a long-standing crush coming to fruition can be intoxicating and debilitating to the senses.

Girl hung around and fell for nearly every line the boy strung out.

Lines were exactly what La’roi called them, among a few other choice words. He called bullshit on this kid’s whole story, his actions, and his intentions.

We had a come-to-Jesus moment right there in the middle of 360 Bar when he told me nearly verbatim more than one line from He’s Just Not That into You: “Run, don’t walk, away from this guy;” “He’s just not that into you;” “If he wanted to date you, he’d be dating you” were just a few…. And in true Gigi form, I made excuses: “But, he said this…” and “But, he did that…”

I knew he was right. He was a completely unbiased third party with absolutely nothing invested in how things did or did not work out. Therefore, his words hit me like a ton of bricks, which I tried to blissfully ignore.

It didn’t work.

His words were in the back of my mind, and, as time went by, they weighed on it:

“You are not going to be happy with this situation long-term. Hell, you’re already unhappy and miserable with it. You’re just trying to convince yourself you’re not. You’re lying to yourself, but you can’t lie to me, girl. I know you’re a hopeless romantic and you need all that other stuff that goes with likin’ and havin’ a man. I know you want and need those hearts and flowers, so why the hell are you wasting your time with this guy when you and I both know he’s not gonna give you what you need and want?”

Others just made me laugh:

“On the other hand, give this cat a taste of his own medicine and use him until someone better comes along who’s gonna treat you right, ‘cause someone’s gonna.”

(I opted to just stop speaking to him altogether, immediately.)

La’roi was the Alex to my Gigi (except we didn’t fall in love and start dating, obviously). He was the reality check I needed – from someone who could not care less or have less invested than a perfect stranger.

It took a couple weeks of mulling it over that looked somewhat like this


before the truth surfaced right as I came to the brilliant realization that La’roi and, okay, Nicki – I admit – were both right. The guy was full of shit.

As it turns out, boy had at least one other girl beside myself to whom he was undoubtedly dishing out the same lines.

Lucky for him, I was a few states away when my suspicions (which he had previously addressed and mostly squelched – by lying through his teeth straight to my face) were confirmed by a trusted and reliable source.

Lucky for me, I have great friends who
1) warn me when they see red flags from a guy,
2) give me facts and confirmation when they find out information on said guy, and
3) support and listen to me while I bitch that I fell for his string of lies (even partly).

But that’s not the only stroke of luck I had.

I learned my lesson (the hard way, yes, but I learned it) and cut my losses.

He is still oblivious to the fact that I know, and I let him believe I got bored and stopped talking to him, which of course, I did. I got bored with choking down lies and putting up with his lackluster attempts to create even a semblance of a quasi-relationship and still look like a good guy.

Well, buddy ole boy, your cover was blown – and thank goodness!

If my life and the four months I spent in graduate school taught me anything, it was to know when to say enough is enough and cut my losses.

So I did, without a second thought or any regrets, and I have only looked back to tell this story in the hopes that it helps another girl from repeating my experience and also because it all led me to where I am today – happy and in love with a great guy who treats me better than anyone ever has.

Thank you to my family, my friends, and La’roi Glover for listening, for giving me the reality check(s) I needed, and for pointing me toward the right dating pool (whether you knew or remembered it later or not).

**Spoiler: Don’t worry, there will be more to come on him and other related topics later!