What Friends Are For

There’s something about a friend that is unlike any other relationship a person has in their life. It’s different than that relationship between family members. Our friends will most likely outlive our grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins….maybe even our siblings. It is different than that relationship between coworkers. Our friends will ask what’s wrong and keep at us until we let them in on what’s eating at us, not say, “Alright” when we say, “Oh nothing; I’m fine!” It is different than that relationship between spouses or significant others. Our friends know all the dirty secrets we could never quite bring ourselves to reveal to the person we’re in love with… and they hold them for ransom over our heads should they ever need to use the information.

These are the people who know us, who willingly spend time with us, who listen to us bitch and moan about our parents, our homework, our job, our boyfriend or girlfriend/love interest. These are the people who are there when the rest of the world can’t be or won’t be. When things get rough and most people head for the hills, these are the people who coming running for us. They head straight into the storm to get to us – no matter what the obstacle: time, money, work…other people. They’re there and they wouldn’t be anywhere else. And all those other people we thought were “friends”….well we realize they’re just not up to the standard of the people lucky enough (or stupid enough depending on your way of thinking) to fall into the category of Friend.

I have been paying close attention to the people I call Friends over the past couple years and, especially in the past nine months. Just recently, the above conclusions became more definitive in my mind in the sense that I could put them into words rather than merely emotions. I went home. I headed straight into the storm for a friend just as so many of us did. It was in the eye of this emotional storm that I realized these are the people who would be with me no matter how bad things got. They know me. They have stuck with me when I was at my worst. They choose to stay, not out of obligation but out of a sense of friendship, of loyalty, of love and affection.

I walked into the basement of this friend only to be greeted with whoops, hollers, whistles and yelling, “What are you doing here! It’s Kaylin Ielase! Look who’s here!” All of this was followed immediately by my response, “Where else would I be?” It’s as simple as that. We all knew. We wouldn’t be anywhere else. That’s the answer. We’re friends. It’s what we do. No questions asked. No explanations needed. You need me? I’m there. Period.

The moment passed where we all realized why we were home together and the general ribbing and inside jokes, teasing and laughter that only close friends who have been through hell and back together can quite understand commenced. Our friendships have been tested. They’ve grown, broken apart, come back together in a new arrangement and been tested again. But they’ve lasted. We just keep coming back for more.

Because there is something about someone we can just be ourselves around that puts the mind, heart and soul at ease. There is no need for pretense here. We don’t have to be perfect for them…they already know all too well we are flawed. In fact, these flaws are often the punch-lines of numerous jokes that have come to be expected over the years. We can be as moody, as bitchy, as quiet or as loud, as stupid or as crazy as we want to be without feeling like we are revealing too much of ourselves. It’s nothing they haven’t seen before on countless occasions.

Yet, “old friends” are not the only ones with whom we are able to experience this level of comfort and familiarity. No, “new friends” (if we’re lucky enough or brave enough to find them) can bring a whole new dimension to our lives. Meeting someone that seems to have been through the same old shit that we have miles apart brings a comfort and a familiarity to this freshly formed bond and strengthens it. The revealing of ourselves to a “stranger” who we look forward to sliding into the category of Friend is an amazing thing. The differences of upbringing, education, life-experiences along with all the similarities add layers to the relationship forming and give it a foundation on which to build as high and as wide as we wish. These people don’t know our past and yet they still understand it. These people don’t know who we used to be but they are happy for who it has made us today. These people don’t know our future but look forward to being part of it if only to watch us figure out what we want our lives to be.

We create new memories with them that our “old friends” have no idea about until that blissful moment where these two groups of friends come together. Meshing, blending, forming new friendships through the ones we have made. We make mistakes and they watch and help us through the fallout. We do something crazy and they capture it on film. We get our hearts broken and they sit up with us way past the time they would have gone to sleep just to listen to us talk or hold us through the worst of our tears.

Old friends or new friends, eventually they all become old friends. If they’re true, they stick. If we’re true, we’ll stand by them as well. These friendships will often last far beyond the lifespans of parents or siblings or spouses. They will see us through the losses of loved ones, the breakups of relationships not meant to be, the beginnings of the ones that are, the births of our children, and the building of our lives. They will be tested. They will break apart and come back together. They will grow. They will last.

Because there’s nothing like having someone around us who knows us and chooses to stick around anyway, not because they have to, but because they want to…