Perhaps there are some traditions that should be left unbroken. Turkey on Thanksgiving. Cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas.
And men asking women out.
Unfortunately, I learned the last one the hard way. Yup, you guessed it! I asked a man out… And. I. Got. Rejected.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am all for women being strong and independent and liberated and equal. There’s no disputing that.
However, I am very traditional when it comes to male-female roles for dating, relationships, romance, and marriage. Sure, I’ll break a rule here and there. I am a woman of the 21st century after all.
And so I thought, “Hey, I can do this. If he’s not making a move, I will. Maybe he’s busy. May he doesn’t know I’m interested – even though he’d have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to. Maybe he’s scared.
Or maybe he’s just not interested?
Nah. He’s interested on some level – that much has been established.”
Naturally, I seek the advice of Nicki (independent female and fellow rule-breaker) about what I should do and how to do it.
“Kaylin. Ask him to hang out, “Nicki advised, “Just straight up ask him to hang out. But you need to have a specific time and place.”
Then, I asked Chuck (male perspective, and also knows me too well for my own good sometimes) what he’d think if a girl asked him out and he said, “Personally, I would love for a girl to take initiative like that and ask me out. It shows some intent instead of the game of ‘Does she like me? Does she not like me?’ …. This is giving him a strong sign of ‘Hey I like you’ and if he likes you he will catch on.”
Then, I proceeded to craft the perfect question which left my date (hopefully) with no choice but to say yes.
Then, I envision how awkward I probably seemed much like this…
Or like this (for about the first 30 seconds. Oh, and ignore the subtitles ;) )
In Monica’s words, “There is a reason why girls don’t do this!”
Because – well, if you’re like me – we freak out. The emotional turmoil is almost too much to handle.
And then there’s the words of He’s Just Not That Into You running a litany in your head from all the times you’ve had to read it, repeating to yourself “If he’s not asking you out,” “If he’s not dating you,” “If he’s not making a move… he’s just not that into you!”
“But what if he has three jobs and goes to school full-time?”
Nope. Even then. He still finds time to go out with his friends. If he wanted me, he’d make one of those occasions a date with me.
There’s my answer. But do I listen to my own advice?
Of course not!
I ask him out.
He tells me he has to work.
In other words, “No, Kaylin, I don’t want to go out with you but I like you just enough to make an excuse that you’ll believe and not feel bad.”
But I do. I feel bad but not as bad as I thought I would.
So I say, “Alright. Well, if you ever get a day off and are interested you know where I am.”
In other words, “The ball is in your court. I’m acting casual about it as if I don’t care that you said no but I do. Maybe he’ll take it as playing a little hard to get – it couldn’t hurt my case now.”
It was slightly liberating and it did let me know for sure he doesn’t like me or doesn’t want to date right now. But that was probably the first and the last time I’ll ask a man out.
This is because when it comes right down to it, I want to be pursued. I want someone to want me enough to go through the emotional turmoil and anticipation of possibly being rejected to hear me say, “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”
Call me old fashioned but I’ll stand by it and say that some traditions should be left unbroken…like men asking women out because ultimately – in the wise words of the writers of He’s Just Not That Into You - if he’s interested, he’s dating you.
And some day, he will.
